The Captured Moments in A Nobody’s Life

Well, i think at some point we all feel we are left out. But i certainly felt it recently. But i guess it is pretty normal for me now. To think that i would get used to it. But it still has a grip on me. I cant shake it off. But mostly i think is my own fault. So i should get used to it. Certainly could feel the distance. Mostly maybe at work, since i am at work most of the time nowadays. I also feel like losing touch with me old friends. But, looks like i am at a losing point here. I dont really know where this path will lead me to. But i feel that my work isnt right for me. The pressure is quite tremendous. It is really heavy on me. Dont like the feeling at all. I know i have been screwing up at work lately. But it is all part of the learning process, or so they say.

Anyhowz, my life i guess could be worse off. Everytime i must always remind myself to count my own luck. Then again, the selfishness always has a grip on me from time to time. Of course many at times, i learn to let go. Maybe its not a good attitude to follow, but at least it keeps me peaceful in my own mind … for a short while. Well, but there are times which i am really glad to have the things i have. Thats why i should never take it for granted. Years of experience and a logical way of thinking certainly helped along the way. But i dun seem to know the path which i am walking down now. It is like, my vision is clouded. Clouded by … stupidity … selfishness …. greed …. temptations …. loneliness …. etc …….. Its truly mind boggling. Well, better put it at the back of my mind and start doing something useful …..

Owh, as it seems, there is someone who is asking for forgiveness. Or was he? I wasnt too sure myself. But all i know was that i am not the one the forgiveness should be asked from. Well, i was confused as to the person’s actions as well. Truth be told, i dunno what happened anywayz, and i dunno whether forgiveness is the thing that is issue. But well, let that person give a try. I cant say much in my own position. So it is best to let time tell it.

BTW, raya is just around the corner, and i am heading outstation for work and would be back on the eve of raya. But i dont feel the raya-ness in me. Maybe im not into the whole celebration things as much as i used to or that i wish to believe. Owh well. Just try to enjoy the moment i guess.

Anywayz, i think there isnt anyone who would wanna watch Gamarjobat with me. So most probably i might go watch it on my own. Sounds rather pathetic right. But people are busy. So i cant force them. The people whom i know are also limited leaving me no choice but a solitary enjoyment. If it is so. Then so be it.

Well, time to head off ….. cos i dont wanna dwell in such pitiful times too much. Makes the head shrink. So till next time, justanobody wishes ciaozuu.

Hohoho merry christmas to me. An early christmas if i would add. Alot of gifts, but in the form of work. Workload should be doubling for the coming 2-3 weeks to come, as the work has already increased to 150% over the pass week. That would mean that my workload should roughly be 200% and considering its the month where i cant eat and drink during the day in office, its really taking a toll on my body.

But of course my mind would never give up trying to seek some pleasure/entertainment despite the short time i am left with in a day. Of couse i have just finished my manges, Dont really have anymore mangas for me to read. Considering that i’ve been reading a fair bit, It certainly took my liking for animes to mangas nowafays due to the stories and the scenes in the manga itself.

Well thats pretty much over. And thats mostly the reason why i havent been actively blogging. On top of that, i’ve been craving a large deal of expensive food. But i cant eat as much as i used to and already i was eating so little. Nonetheless i am still flabby. Hahaha. I certainly sound lame and stupid eh …. I think i am. What to do, i scrap my car on the driver side while driving. Awful awful thing. Money certainly going down the drain. A few distraction (blowing nose after sneezing) can certainly be fatally bad. Well that certainly is bad for me especially for my pockets nowadays since it is nearly empty.

My pockets has been emptying alot due to expensive food. But i guess its ok. I think i would need to spend more money buying more dinner for the coming week. I dunno how to manage my time anymore. But i guess its a good time for Sue to head to Melbourne now. Because i might turn out to be extremely cranky over the next weeks. I also need to fucking study some heavy shit. Attending the workshop for this studies was suppose to be helpful, but i’ve failed to concentrate on both days.

Naturally i feel that i am starting to fail …. as a human. Dont you think? But i seem to be excelling to be a freak. Booooyaaaahh~!!! Hahahaha. I am cold hearted, stupid, insane, yesman, noman, killallman, be fucking crazy. After much blog stalking, looks like i am losing touch with ppl. This is bad right. But i guess that would be the case for me. Hohoho.

Well, lets just hope i survive through the dumping of the heavy “gifts” for the weeks to come before i go on my study leave. Its crazy~!! My wallet is leaking, my pockets are leaking, my brain is leaking, my life force is leaking, and not forgetting my heart is bleeding. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee . Ciaozu….

i really cant seem to find a title to appropriately sum up this post. But what i can say is that i have alot of uneasy feelings deep inside. Also a great depth of anger, irritation, and depression. But thats what life holds for us isnt it. I think i am pretty lucky as compared to others. But then again, there are others who are way luckier than me and dun give any fucking hoot about others who are not as lucky as them. And this kinda pisses me off a little, but i always remind myself, they are just being human. I too am trying to be human. Aint easy being a human. Always longing a place to fit.

I am still trying to find a place to fit, but dont really find myself fitting in. But hey, life goes on. Well certainly there are alot more uncertainties nowadays with the country being in such chaos at the moment. It kinda just kills the mood dont you think?

Well the only thing that can be done at the moment, is just to wait and see. That is all. Now i gotta work my butt off. More shit coming in …. ahhh im getting fucked …..

Ciaouuu ……

i didnt blog for so long.

cos i have been busy … reading manga and i dare not blog at work …..

i feel _____ …..

well life goes on ……

lets try to live on as well la …..

Life has certainly pushed us in many unexpected directions at certain points in our life. But of course this is just a norm, like how 1 cant find a job, another trying to find a job but still waiting, another, couldnt do what was planned, another just feeling the crap of life being dump on the person. Of course there are many shits in life, just maybe it has to be how we face it i guess. For me i would just simply run run run awaaayyyyy. Hahahaha. Classic bump and run ….

Well, life has certainly been pretty dull lately with work quantity being quite erratic, it is causing quite a stir in my life. Like i am starting to learn, when shit comes in it pours, and when you are ready to clean the shit, there are none in sight. Ahh this becoming a norm for me i guess. Hohoho. Maybe it is just nice considering for the coming month or so, cannot eat~!!!!!

Sadness fills my heart as i could not eat to my heart’s content. But i guess it is a cost saving method consdering i might have dried up my mot recent pay. Indeed, living is not cheap. That is a definite truth. No doubt about it. Of course i need to find myself a cure for this irritating pain on my right shoulder blade. It is getting quite annoying. Oooooooooooo i dunno what else to say.

I dunno whether Ms TSL would blog about merdeka eve or not, but i shall leave it at there at the moment. Till next time ciaozuuu.